"Why is Your Mind Always in the Gutter?"

Trapper: "I don't know, Frank. Maybe 'cause my body's usually there"

One of my favorite lines from the old "M*A*S*H" show.*

Which is a lead-in to K and my Mis-Adventures-On-Ice Sunday. Friday, we both drove in with no problems. K drove up the drive-way and got stuck half-way up. I chose to stay on the street--easy choice since only one car can go up our drive-way at a time. Saturday, I drove up to town to mail some letters that needed to get there on-time (and with today being MLK Day there's no mail service), and had no problems. I needed to be consistent on the accelerator, but I made it, and I made it back down.

So Sunday, we figured "Hey! No problem!" We had a full slate of chores to do. K into town to get gas and supplies; me to the bank and to do laundry in Langley. "If we could do it yesterday, we can do it today" was the thought. So, bright and early with the sun out and shining on the streets, we headed out. K waited for me to lead the way, and though I wasn't warmed up yet, I headed up the street. So much of the ice has melted that the majority of the street is bare concrete, but on those sections where the sun don't shine, it's still slick pack-ice. I got a good head of steam up and headed for "Dead-Man's Curve" which, through the combination of being perpetually in shadow and having a precipitous grade, has been a hazard for every car that hits it, including the huge John Deere snow-plow that ended up in the ditch during our last Arctic Blast ('06).

Half-way up I got in trouble, the tires sped up and got no traction, I started to slip back and worse, my car started to spin. I adjusted, like they don't teach you in driver's ed. (because it's supposedly instinctual--actually in Seattle, abandoning your car is instinctual, but we won't go there today) and righted the car so it was pointing in the same way it was heading, all the better to watch the cliff to the beach that I was about to shoot over. As I was sliding down the street, I saw K heading my way (Ulp! was my reaction), so I cranked the wheel to the right to avoid her, and when I straightened the wheel the car kept moving to the right.

WHUMP!

I ended up in the ditch on the right side of the road. I'd been there before in '96 when K and I and K's mother and the cat were stranded at the cabin for Christmas. Back then, a couple of neighbors saw me and pulled me out...but this...this happened during the Seahawks game against Da Bears. So, I knew I was on my own. In fact, it probably wsn't even wise to call a tow-truck during the Seahawks game. K putted up the street, and once she'd left, I started putting my chains on the front tires. I put one chain on the driver's side (no problem) and tried to get out. I had a nice little drive down 3/4 of the ditch but I was still stuck. Next step was to get into the ditch and put the chain on the ditch-wheel, which I didn't want to do because (and I realized a couple minutes into the process) there was a danger of the car falling further into the ditch and crushing me. But I did. Slipping on the ice and my handy-dandy Les Schwab plasticized instruction sheet I managed to get the chain loosely on the passenger-wheel. I met Jerry, my neighbor down the street, who came by and kibbitzed (Yes, he did offer to help), and then I was ready to try it. I didn't have much ditch to travel and at the end of it was a mail-box, so I had to get out before the end.

I did. But I think it was because the grade of the ditch changed towards the end of it, letting me hump over it and avoid the mail-box.

And then the passenger-chain fell off.

But I got out. I took the chain off, and re-parked my car in its previous place. I'll try to do laundry today. Hey, the temp's going to sky-rocket to the mid-30's (plus I'll use my chains). Once I get to the Old Cliff Road it'll be a breeze. K's back to work for the next couple days. I'm off today for MLK Day.
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Back to "M*A*S*H." I was watching Season 2 last night and the thought struck me that if Frank Burns, with his prissy/horny/thin-skinned bully/shallow-macho/boneheaded sanctimoniousness got a talk-show, wouldn't it play a lot like "The O'Reilly Factor?"

I'm just sayin'...

















* My favorite line is:
Frank: How come every time I come in here it SMELLS?!"
Hawkeye: "I think that says it all, Frank..."