Just in Time to Celebrate the Birth of the Baby Jesus...*

Happy Black Friday

Every year for the longest time, I had a Christmas Tradition. I would go out and buy the tackiest Christmas ornament I could find--the one that least celebrated the True Meaning of Christmas, in the Schulzian sense. First one I ever bought was an ornament of Shaquille O'Neal hanging off a basketball rim. There have been some great ones--a Harley Davidson motor (with sound!), the killing of the Wicked Witch of the West from "The Wizard of Oz" (it just SAYS "Christmas" doesn't it? "Whattaworld, whattaworld!"), and Star Trek ornaments of "Worf" with a Klingon scimitar (as if to say "Honor the Holidays..or I'll sever an artery!!"), and "7 of 9" in a skin-tight bio-morph cat-suit. I can't even make a joke of that one.

Well, finances keep me from buying it, but I've found the ornament for this year.

Don't you want an Airstream trailer hanging from your tree in all its silver glory? Why, look, it even has the propane tanks on the hitch! The wheels turn and (subsequently, I'll bet) the awning extends. Now, if Mary and Joseph had one of these babies they wouldn't have had to sleep in the barn! This even beats out the "Star Trek II" ornament that has a space battle between Kirk and Khan (with animation and sound!)

* That's a quote from Phil Harper (RIP), who, as one of the most prolific of Seattle voice-actors, took a decidedly irreverent tack when doing commercials. Every ad for Christmas, he would intone with a wildly enthusiastic introduction "Just in Time to celebrate the Birth of the Baby Jesus!..." to be followed by news of 50% off sales, holiday chocolates, jewels, furs, whatever. Phil would inevitably end commercials with "...so go out and buy some of this shit to-day!" I miss that.

And I should mention that as a promotion to ad agencies in town to use his Claus-like voice, he sent out a newsletter that said "Let Phil be your Christmas Ho!"